Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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