if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
