just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
