bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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