Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
