making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
