we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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