I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
