My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the condom got lost in my hair
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
