I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
