Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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