I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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