if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize