Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
