that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
