"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
