I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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