"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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