Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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