While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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