She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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