I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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