a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
