btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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