She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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