I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
