I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
