She's JV to your varsity
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
