I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
