I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
