Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
