The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
