Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
