I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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