Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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