ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
