Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
