I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
