I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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