Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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