is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
