found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize