if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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