next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
