Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
