He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
