I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
