Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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