it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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