u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
