Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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