put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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