I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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