I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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