my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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