Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
