Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
