I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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