Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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