I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
