dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
