I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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