I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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