I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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