Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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