so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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