i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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