dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
