your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
