4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
