if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
