my mouth tastes like poor choices
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
