I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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