I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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