I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
