I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
