so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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