Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
