On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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