i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
