I skipped work to stalk him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
