She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
