If i come over, it means nothing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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