yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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