everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My bed smells like the plague
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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