Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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