Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
