I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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