Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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