I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize