just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
