I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
