walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
