Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize