someone owes me an orgasm
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They took my balls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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