what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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